“What is the one piece of advice you’d offer that will improve any conversation we might have today?”

I was wrapping up an interview on “how to have better conversations.” It had not been great.

“Be curious,” was my guest’s instant reply.

I’d been going back and forth with this guest for twenty-nine minutes. In that final moment I realized I had screwed up. This is where I should have started. 

It is the key to life. long exploration…to a perpetual quest to understand.

I was young, and pretty sure I was on the road to stardom. It turns out, I was missing something important — I wasn’t very curious.

I’ve reflected on that experience hundreds, maybe thousands of times over the past 30+ years. And years later the renowned human interaction expert, Ted Lasso added an exclamation point when he used a line attributed to Walt Whitman. Be curious, not judgmental.

It’s In Our Genes

Virtually every one of us has the curiosity gene. We were born with it. It’s the instinct to explore. A sense that there is more to discover.

. We learn the language quickly. Why? When? How? Why not? What if?

It is a defining characteristic of growth as a person.

But along the way we learn the consequences of curiosity. Call it the don’t-touch-a-hot-stove effect.

And just like that, we come face to face with the complexities of life. Over time, curiosity’s questions don’t come as quickly as they used to.

The counterpoint Whitman refers to — the temptation to be “judgmental” — begins to chip away at our curious nature.

Hang On To Curiosity

Don’t get me wrong. The fact that actions have consequences is a critical lesson. The irony is that it is a lesson we learn thanks to our curiosity.

What I’m proposing is that the older we get the lesson we need to learn is how to hold tight to childlike curiosity. I

It is the key to successfully navigating human interactions.

Childlike curiosity always senses there is more to every story.

It drives us to keep exploring, to keep opening doors.

It is our hedge against ceasing to live before we die.

And while there is always the danger that we’ll happen upon a hot stove, the wound is rarely a match for the joy resident in a lifetime of exploration.

If we are able to hold on, to lead with curiosity, we’ll be able to approach any experience…any conversation (even a radio interview), being less judgmental. And eager to see what else we might learn about our adventure.

If the defining factor in your idea of growth is headcount, you may be fooling yourself.

For starters, as AI runs roughshod through the marketplace, the size of your organization is becoming irrelevant..

Then there are the numbers.

I was visiting with a law firm that over the past five years had grown in terms of its attorney count by 25% — from 175 to 220 attorneys. Not bad for a firm in that general size range.

Meanwhile, for more than a decade, gross revenue for the firm had consistently been between $105 and $110 million USD.

When adjusted for inflation, not to mention factoring the hard costs of the increased headcount, it’s difficult to view this as growth in anything more than desks occupied or an increase in available time — the primary inventory of most professional service firms.

Today that firm faces a new market reality: AI is causing a measurable reduction in that revered headcount.

Turns out there are only two ways to measure the growth that really counts: gross revenue and net profit.

But when the discussion turns to revenue growth, things get dicey. New business development — the creation of relationships that generate new revenue — is often a mystery. Efforts to make sales processes fit the professional service model get mixed results. Silver bullets come with promise and fanfare but rarely deliver.

Reframing

The most effective business development I’ve ever seen — BizDev that generates measurable (and sustained) revenue growth is an approach that is indistinguishable from the service you provide.

It is you doing the work you love with the clients you serve.

No awkward pitches. Nothing that feels manipulative. No wondering where to go. None of what feels like a gut-punch when you hear the words “business development.”

It’s about strategic service. Probably one of the things that drew you to your practice in the first place. And it comes with a personal touch that AI cannot deliver.

For example, consider the estate planning lawyer who developed a consistent $1 million + a year practice by hosting complimentary seminars for CPAs and Trust officers, addressing sophisticated planning strategies. These seminars resulted in introductions to clients of the CPAs and Trust officers who would benefit from these strategies.

This approach to growing a business is one of the things that intrigued CEO Monthly Magazine, as highlighted in this very generous article. I am grateful to the editorial team for their interest, and for sharing the idea in this profile.

**

I work with select service providers to help them build a robust pipeline of partner level opportunities without having to turn into a sales professional. If reframing BizDev intrigues you and you’d like to schedule a call for more information, shoot me a note at eric@ericfletcherconsulting.com . 

About the image: a work session with a group of service providers, rethinking how to grow revenue in 2026.

My mother was talking to the eighth grade me. I’d been trying to explain why I’d come home from school with blood on my shirt.

“Remember three things about bullies. The more they talk the more insecure they are…”

I wasn’t sure I bought that one, but okay…

She continued, “…they aren’t happy; and they don’t like themselves very much.”

Personally, I didn’t care whether the guy who’d elbowed me in the nose was happy; but for some reason, the part about not liking himself rang true. I remember thinking, ‘the guy never smiles.’

Since that eighth grade playground scuffle, my experience says mom was right. (Again.) 

Sometimes The Man In The Mirror Is The Bully

The way we treat others is a mirror. It reveals what we think of ourselves, and how we talk to ourselves in solitary moments…when no one is listening.

It’s not a new idea. The correlation between self image and how we treat others is present in numerous traditions, expressed in some version of “do unto others” and “love your neighbor as yourself.”

Could not liking one’s self very much explain at least some of the cruelty we witness…on the playground, in living rooms, in the town square?

There are clinical, academic and sociological takes on the question, of course. And we can learn from them, for sure. 

But at a person-on-the-street level, time increasingly convinces me that the happier I am with the guy I face in the mirror, the more likely I am to be a decent human being to my family, my colleagues, my neighbors…wherever they might live.

This isn’t about being blind to shortcomings or opportunities for personal growth.

It is about finding a way to be kinder to one’s self…to avoid punching one’s self in the nose. It is about reminding ourselves that none of us is defined by our shortcomings.

And that we are all in this boat. Together.

It is about being easier on ourselves. Because the wellbeing of our neighbors depends on it.

I have exceedingly bad days. Days where an awareness of my own weaknesses presses in with  force. Days when I don’t feel good about myself or like who I am.

Maybe you have similar days.

I know that when my displeasure at myself is at its peak I have little capacity to consider compassion for others.

And I’m more likely to be cruel.

The Right Conversation

Human decency begins with an understanding of the value of every person…wounds and all.

And now we’re back to the conversation with that guy I see in the mirror. 

I’m trying every single day to like him a little more…with all of the areas that can stand significant improvement. Not in a prideful or narcissistic way. But with an honesty that we desperately need to have with ourselves. An honesty that understands that while there is plenty of room for improvement, perfection isn’t in the cards..

In our quiet, alone moments, most of us should be easier on ourselves.

With this perspective we can catch a glimpse of our kinship — what might just be the root of human kindness. We might see what we share. And treat each other with the decency that every person deserves.

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If you’re a professional service provider tired of hoping you’re doing what it takes to get the market to find you, and you’re seeking a flow of predictable opportunity conversations, the TDS growth system provides clarity, direction and a framework for winning engagements. Visit https://EricFletcherConsulting.com for information, or drop me a note — eric@ericfletcherconsulting.com

My friend and I were having one of those conversations that seem more prevalent with each passing year. We were running through a list of relatively dramatic changes over the last couple of years.

Maybe you’ve had your own version of this discussion. Ours covered a broad spectrum, from changes in football rules to the degree that public discourse and debate have devolved.

I imagine, had anyone been interested in eavesdropping, we sounded dangerously similar to a couple of grumpy baby boomers.

A few days later I had an interaction that made me wonder why we rarely talk about the things in our life that will likely never change.

I had reached out to a vendor’s online customer service, and was using the web chat utility that is so good it can lull you into feeling like you’re talking to a human being. But in this case my issue was outside the scope of the AI’s knowledge base. If you’ve experienced this you may know what happened. The AI continued to try to provide help with a series of irrelevant suggestions.

I don’t resent the use of technology. Far from it. I use various AI tools every day. But the experience made me realize one thing that will never change is the value of real human connection.

We take it for granted, don’t work at it near hard enough and regularly fail in the practice. But when I really need to feel connected, I want to engage with a person.

Sure, my favorite AI knows how to subtly stroke my ego. And I’ll admit to having felt a measure of affirmation when an algorithm complimented an idea or work product.

But come on. It was a far cry from interacting with a human being.

In general I embrace innovation. It can be envigorating. And it almost always brings new opportunities.

But it doesn’t come with a heartbeat.

Things of Constant Value

In the context of a real connection a human being can listen between the lineswhere there are always hints of things unspoken.

You can look into another person’s eyes and read sincerity. Or frustration. Or anger.

A nod of the head, a furrowed brow, a knowing smile, even the emotional crack in a voice — these are as much a part of human interactions as the words we use.

Even in our clumsiest attempts, the mere act of genuinely trying to understand where another is coming from in itself communicates volumes.

And builds a bridge that often takes up the slack brought on by our bumbling efforts.

A human being is able to recognize shades of grey, and understand that complexities are rarely limited to black and white (or ones and zeros).

At its best, human connection accommodates the extreme ends of a spectrum — doubt and faith, hope and fear, noise and silence. It can be ordered or chaotic.

It is often made up of round pegs and square holes. And it can be messy.

But it is one hundred percent human. And, in spite of how bad we can mess it up, when the effort is sincere it works an amazing amount of the time.

Things That Endure

Don’t get me wrong. I will take help wherever I can get it, including from the seemingly faster-than-the-speed-of-light changes AI is bringing. But while we’re marveling or bemoaning, it might serve us to focus a bit on a constant: the dynamism of human connection.

So anyone wistfully longing for a bit of stability as a new year begins…anyone who might be wondering about their place in a changing marketplace…here’s the suggestion: become obsessed with creating extraordinary human connections.

Become a specialist in listening. Focus on bringing value to each encounter (which means making the encounter about them, not you!).

Nurture trust. Distribute kindness. And treat others the way you would like for them to treat you.

This is the essence of human connection. The value is a constant. And it will differentiate you in most any endeavor.

Party / Networking image

“I hate going to parties. I usually love having been.”

My friend was putting words to the dread she wrestles with, especially during the holiday season.

“It’s one gathering after another. And the first question from every person you meet is some variation of ‘so Rebecca…what do you do’ or ‘what are you up to these days.’ I never know how to answer that. If we could just skip all of it!”

She’s not alone. In fact, the consensus might be that even those who think they know how to answer the question, really don’t. Most of my adult life I was guilty of answering with a non-answer. “Just trying to stay out of jail.” While true, it was hardly responsive.

So this article is for Rebecca and everyone strolling into happy hours, dinner parties and even those family celebrations.

Five Ideas For Better Party Talk

  1. Avoid the quiet corner. Be proactive. You know the saying about the early bird. So be the first to ask the question. If you’re brave try something like, “a friend dared me to try to find out what the people I meet really find interesting. If you’re game, what’s the most interesting thing you’ve encountered this week?” Most people have never had anyone show any interest in what they find interesting. So if you stay engaged something magic will happen; the two of you will remember meeting each other.
  2. Make every conversation about them. Forget about being smart. The best way to let people know something impressive about you is to make the conversation about them. To accomplish this enter every room with three questions in your back pocket. The specifics are far less consequential than just being prepared with something; and of course they’ll change depending on the occasion. But to get you thinking, here are three bits of fodder: what’s the most interesting book or show you’ve come across lately?; where does dream travel take you?; what is the last piece of music you heard that moved you? You can, no doubt, come up with better ones.
  3. Channel your childlike curiosity. Be like the child who is eager to learn. Probe a bit. “Tell me more about that” or “What was that like?” Become an interviewer on a mission to discover the most interesting person in the room. Curiosity shows interest, and remember…you’ll likely run into far too many people that rarely feel seen or heard. You might just make someone’s day.
  4. Listen like the life of the interaction depends on it. Because it does. The good news is that listening will frequently reveal the best follow up question. Before you know it, a conversation might break out!.
  5. And when it’s time for you to talk about you, turn it into a story. If you’ve practiced 1 through 4, chances are people already think you’re pretty interesting. Don’t blow it. Consider how you might make your story something others can see themselves being a part of. For example, the speaking coach might say, “You know how so many people have a debilitating fear of public speaking? I help people get over their fear and feel comfortable expressing their ideas…from meetings with the PTA to a company stock holder meeting.” The person scared to death over an upcoming presentation at work suddenly sees a lifeline. Don’t reduce yourself to a label — “Oh, I’m just a speaking coach.” A storyline instigates conversation.

A Chance To Engage

My friend Rebecca is actually very good in social settings. She’s a terrific listener and loves to shine the spotlight on others. Once she got over feeling like the only answer to the what-do-you-do question is “I’m a lawyer,” her dread of the holiday parties changed.

Almost every interaction presents an opportunity to engage with another person…labels, positions and titles notwithstanding. Whether you think of it as networking, small talk, mingling or even prospecting, the three principles embedded in these five ideas will multiply the value of your connections.

  • Make every conversation about the other person;
  • Listen, because meaningful connection depends on it;
  • A person is far more than a title, position or label (and that includes you).

You might even create a new relationship or two. And discover that, like Rebecca, you actually enjoy those holiday parties..

It begins the moment we start to feel like what we do doesn’t matter.

“It” is discouragement. A sense of futility. The feeling that a day is little more than a hamster’s wheel. That direction, balance and time are out of our control.

Tuning in makes it worse. Contention and rancor simmer barely beneath the surface…from media voices to the workplace water cooler, from social circles to living room interactions.

At times it feels like the consequential decisions of the day are being made somewhere else by disinterested or, at best, disconnected others.

As a result we realize we are in retreat…from interaction. From creative disruption. From any sense of agency.

The more we retreat, the more disconnected we feel. A sense of helplessness and despair show up as strange, unwelcome companions.

If we’re fortunate a friend is near with a shoulder to lean on. Or a colleague underscores our value. Or a loved one reminds us of what really matters.

It doesn’t take much. Just a word. A note. An easy conversation. And a semblance of balance returns.

You do make a difference!

The Art of Believing

This week in the United States a welcome season is upon us. The hamster wheel slows. The dissonance of the marketplace eases. Many will gather around tables and focus on the things we’re grateful for.

In these grateful moments a measure of equilibrium returns. As we scan the table, or gather to cheer a favorite team…or even as thoughts turn to an empty chair, we find a sense of balance again.

What we do matters.

But when the season ends, when everything begins to swirl and the world presses in again… often it’s a different story.

So this the perfect time to reconnect with the artist that lives within each of us.

It’s there. It is the one who created the crayon picture of the family posted on the refrigerator for all those years. It is the one who turned the living room into a theater to perform an original play. It is that early you who loved to imagine…who lived to play.

Then, somewhere on the outer edge of childhood we learned to repress the artist within. Experiences insisted that childish creativity had no place at the adult table, where life is a matter of survival. Where Winning-is-the-Only-Thing is, if not the credo, the subtext that promises purpose.

The news worth celebrating is this: the loss of equilibrium we feel in today’s marketplace is a message from the edge of our youth, saying “maybe it is time to rethink things. Maybe we should pull out the crayons again.”

What if we were to risk listening to that voice?. What if we were to blend what the child instinctively knew with the instructive lessons we’ve picked up along the way?

Here’s what might happen.

We might listen differently. And when we listen differently, those around us might feel seen. When people sense that they are seen there is a chance for a real conversation. Real conversations might break out. And just like that, we’ve introduced a lost art into our homes and our communities.

From there…who knows.

Take Heart

It is easy to believe that one voice can’t accomplish much. That our reach is to small.

But the uneasiness you feel as you read that line is the young artist within…fighting that notion.

This is not a gloss over job. But as all of us, in one way or another, work to make sense of a world that feels louder, harsher, more divided than we it used to be, we must not grow too weary to remember that even the simplest acts can make a difference. For example,

  • Who makes your life better? Tell them today.
  • Who would give anything if someone would pause long enough for a real conversation with them? You can make that happen.
  • What is one small act of kindness you can offer this week? Write it down, and take action.
  • What is one thing…maybe a buried curiosity or hope…that is asking to be invited back to the table? Be brave. Take the risk.

We don’t have to fix the headlines. We don’t have to mend everything that is broken. We sure don’t have to have all the answers.

But we must remember that our presence carries weight. Our actions ripple. Our voices, our crayon drawings, our simple acts of kindness…these matter.

So be grateful. Don’t lose heart. You do make a difference. And for this I am grateful.

Everyone is giving their life to something.

We all sense this…more acutely in some moments than in others. Yet, study after study indicates that many feel like they have little to no control over the day-to-day, nevermind where their life is headed.

In an effort to gain control, young people often reject the approach to life they believe has left their parents hollow and unfulfilled.

Those with more experience scramble, investing everything in the pursuit of what promises happiness…too often losing the capacity to dream in the process.

And when we find ourselves in a stare down with mortality, how often are lonely hours spent wondering, what was all of this for? Is this all there is?

Yes, we’re investing in something. And along the way, too many of us look back and wish we’d listened to better advice.

An Alternate Strategy

Those who know me well know that I have been legally blind since birth.

When I was headed into eighth grade my parents were torn between what many medical professionals were saying — that the responsible thing would be to send me to a school equipped for the visually impaired, versus something in them that said removing their son from the diverse experiences of a mid-1960’s classroom somehow wasn’t right.

They dealt with this dissonance by enrolling me in a private parochial school. But this was an enormous sacrifice for the whole family. With four kids to feed it became too much. So it was decided that at midterm of ninth grade I would return to public school.

But someone connected to that private school anonymously paid my tuition for the next year-and-a-half.

This isn’t about private versus public schools. And it isn’t about me or my parents.

The point of the story is that something different was driving the action of that anonymous benefactor.

I never learned the identity; the only thing we knew was that it was someone who believed in investing in people. It should be said that since this kind of act is rarely a one-off, I would wager a hefty amount that my family was not the only recipient of that person’s investment philosophy.

When it comes to where to place our resources we can choose to bet on a lot of different things. 

in the process, some win big. Others do not. But this isnt about whether or where to place a financial bet. Nor is it to ignore the reality that financial investments are a responsible practice. And that they can change things for the better.

Instead this is a suggestion that when we feel something is missing…if we find ourselves asking is this all there is it may be a not so subtle suggestion that we might want to reevaluate what we’re investing our life in.

Our portfolio may need some diversification.

The Value of a Person

If you want to start a debate, stand in the middle of the marketplace and suggest that the most valuable thing in the world is a human being….that the investment that really pays off is the one that bets on the value of a person.

People are unpredictable. They will let you down. On top of that, it’s impossible to project a return.

Meanwhile technology promises to deliver new leverage and increased profitability…and reduce the unpredictables. And whispers multiply about what a human being brings to the table.

When and where does a person really make a difference?

With governments juggling partisan cries for resources from every corner for every purpose, what are the tenants of decision making?

The seemingly “practical” implications coupled with constant and compelling messages on social platforms only deepen questions of who is my neighbor.

Boisterous political and religious voices add dissonance, failing as advocates for the value of a person.

A Chorus For Humanity

But it is not all gloom and doom.

There are voices of hope and help…backed by a belief that people are worth the investment. That of a cup of water for the thirsty…an encouragement for the hopeless. A helping hand. A meaningful conversation.

This is the stuff of human connection.

And it derives from a belief in the value of a person.

Real human connections are not afraid to wrestle with what matters most. They are intent on building rather than tearing down. They resist distraction and dispense hope.

So this is a call to action.

A call for anyone who is able, to join the chorus. Not to bury our heads in our hands and let inhumanity define the moment; but to lift our voices…and let the word ring out that people are worth it…that human decency matters…that investing in people in whatever way we are able is where we will find purpose.

And that the measure of abundance is the degree to which we care for one another.

Brass Tacks

Three months ago from the TEDx stage in Washington, D.C. I shared my belief that it is possible to win in life without being a jerk. That distributing simple acts of kindness where we live and work can change things.

The response to the simple idea has reminded me that hundreds of thousands share this belief.

I have been reminded of the thousands of investments in people I’ve witnessed. I remembered again the generous heart that invested in the eighth-grade me. I imagined the thousands of others touched by that individual.

I thought of (and referenced from the TEDx stage) my friend Landon Saunders who, more than anyone I’ve known, harbored a deep belief in the value of every human being. And it wasn’t hyperbole. He invested in hundreds of thousands of individuals through Heartbeat…his life’s work.

And I imagined countless others who quietly go about dispensing hope every day in ways simple and profound.You know who you are, and your investments in people make a difference.

Today, if you or someone you know is investing in people, let the word ring out. Turn up the volume, not in an arrogant, antagonistic or adversarial way; but in a way that brings some balance…in a way that might encourage and embolden others to join the chorus.

It is easy to be overwhelmed. Or cynical. And end up discouraged, doing little. But if we will resist apathy and act, investments in people will compound.

We are all investing our life in something.

Imagine what our homes and communities might be like if we invested whatever we are able in the most valuable thing in the world — a person.

Turn off the cynicism. Join the chorus. And spread the word.

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If you’d like more information about Heartbeat, drop me a note at eric@ericfletcherconsulting.com — I’ll point you in the right direction.

“You going to the garage to practice juggling?”

My wife was carrying three bottles of water as she struggled to open the back door.

“Very funny.” Her tone was code for you’re not half as funny as you think you are. “These are for the guys working the trash pick up. It’s 98 degrees out there, and I figure they could use some cold water.”

This has become a weekly habit. And it is about a lot more than juggling bottles of cold water.

See Me?

Lately I’ve been wrestling with this question: do the individuals with whom I cross paths every day feel seen by me?

It is easy for me to acknowledge those with whom I am comfortable. Those who, on the surface at least, share my values. Those whose hopes and dreams align with mine.

An uncomfortable truth is how easily I am able to not see those who live outside my cushy field of vision. The scruffy young wait staff. The office cleanup crew. The person at the airport shoeshine stand.

It is disconcerting how easily I am able to avoid the awkward misfit who doesn’t conform. Or the person who embraces a different faith. Or no faith.

The ones who are the least like me are the most challenging for me to get beyond externals and see the human being.

It is astounding how easily so many in plain sight can become invisible.

This kind of selective vision of personhood eats away at the fabric of neighborhoods, communities and nations.

In the rock opera Tommy, the recurring plea is for the connectivity virtually every person needs — “See me, feel me. Touch me, hear me.”

. My f. riend Brian Kenneth Miller, who speaks to groups around the world on Human Connection, puts it this way: “everyone deserves to feel heard, understood and valued.”

What Every Person Deserves

Everyone needs connection.

It feels like this might be one of the questions of the moment. While norms feel shattered and connections fractured, can we rethink the way we engage with those with whom we cross paths?

The implications could be profound.

Bridges might be built…bridges that could lead to new and productive conversations. We might learn things about neighbors, far and wide. We might identify some hidden blind spots. Maybe.

Tho”se are the acknowledgments. The problem is if we do nothing, nothing changes.

A Challenge

Cynicism is easy. If that’s your choice, I get it.

Besides, really seeing those with whom our paths cross isn’t the easiest thing to do. Past experiences and preconceived notions inevitably challenge our better angels.

Here”’s an alternative idea.

Deciding to see things differently is where change begins. And this brings me back to the story of my wife juggling water bottles.

Today was another trash pick up day. And even though she wasn’t around to hand the guys a cold drink, there is clear evidence of a bridge being built. Up and down the route, trash bins are empty and (more or less) left where they had been staged for pick up. But ours had been rolled up our driveway, and neatly positioned just outside the garage.

A big thing? Heck no.

And that’s the point. It sounds trite, even naive to say big things begin with small acts. But it may be more true today than ever.

The challenge: look for a way to say “I see you” to someone who might need to hear that message.

Maybe stop for a chat with the person in the back office. Or tell the person clearing your restaurant table that you appreciate the work they do. Or check on the neighbor you barely speak to (I’m pointing at me when I say this).

Or hand a bottle of cold water to those who pick up your garbage..

You might find out you’re into bridge building.

****:**********************************

If you appreciate this article, check out my TEDx Talk, How to be successful without being a jerk.

I help successful professionals build a business that aligns with their values and aspirations. To schedule a discovery call to see if my framework is a fit for you, email me at eric@ericfletcherconsulting.com, or access my calendar here.

It felt like I was standing a little taller…moving with more confidence. I was headed down the airport corridor toward my gate, armed with a status that implied I was special…that I deserved a bit of pampering.

I was young and naive.

The ego boost was dashed when it became apparent that more than half of my fellow travelers that morning were more “elite” than I was. The label ascribing status meant nothing.

Several decades later we see this everywhere.

Does anyone really believe the VIP email list comes with any real perks? Are you confident you’re getting premium quality every time you see that label? Am I actually a preferred customer?

This is the problem with labels. They’re just words. Often over used to the point of meaning little.

“Strategy” has become just such a label.

It is used to infer importance…intended to say “this plan, initiative, decision, question or move rises above ordinary. It is “strategic” in nature.

I regularly talk to professional service organizations that invest significant resources in planning, launch initiatives, call them strategic, and await results commensurate with the weight of the label.

Then comes disruption.

It may be economic pressure. Or a consequential personnel change. Or a catastrophic event. Or the realization that it is taking too long to see any results.

Whatever form disruption takes, it is amazing how quickly the strategy becomes irrelevant, impractical or inconvenient.

Not strategic at all.

A Ghost Protocol

The numbers should scare us into at least rethinking our approach.

After investments of thousands, sometimes even hundreds of thousands of dollars, a breathtaking number of so-called strategic plans fizzle long before even modest goals are realized. Research puts the failure rate at between 60% and 90%, depending on the size of the organization and the industry.

Poor execution is typically cited as the reason for the failure. But the problem is greater than one of execution. It is one of alignment.

Here’s what I mean.

The degree to which principles, areas of focus and specific planning survive the honeymoon period often corresponds to the degree to which a subset of the plan found a champion.

Otherwise, and often even when a champion exists, only the pieces of the exercise that generate the least amount of organizational friction receive much attention.

Not strategic at all.

Over time, fragments of a direction haunt the entire idea of planning.

A lack of alignment in leadership and across divisions of the organization — that is, the absence of a shared view of how to address the future — gives rise to new frustrations. This results in a hit-or-miss rate when it comes to firm-wide adoption.

Eventually the feeling that there is no real direction, an especially uncomfortable feeling in a volatile marketplace, can prompt organizational leadership change. With a change comes a whole new batch of ideas for strategic direction.

Rinse and repeat.

What Constitutes Strategy?

Let’s talk about what “strategy” is not.

It is not tactics. Or a plan. Or an initiative.

Strategy is a philosophy. Seth Godin calls it the philosophy of becoming.

So, if we run with that for a moment, strategy provides the philosophical underpinnings that help define the steps you take in order realize what you hope to become.

There will certainly be disruptions to the steps put in place today. To deal with this, a plan of action must be able to flex and even change in order to become relevant in a new reality.

But an organization’s vision of what it hopes to become is much less subject to disruption. In fact, market shifts might serve to deepen an organization’s resolve around direction and purpose.

The challenge for most organizations frustrated by the planning process is that arriving at a shared philosophy of becoming is not easy. In fact, critical steps are often given short shrift, or ignored altogether.

A framework. Not A Plan.

Enter our three-part framework that creates alignment around a philosophy of becoming, and provides a foundation for effective planning.

Part One — Shared Vision

If the word “vision” is a stumbling block for you, replace it with “Aspirations.” The idea here is that a common goal…agreement on what you want to become…is the glue that holds things together. A lot can go sideways; but a shared vision keeps eyes fixed on the prize.

Part Two — Core Values

What three or four values do you and your team hold sacrosanct? Agreement here not only becomes important cultural fabric; it provides guardrails for every consequential decision you’ll face on the way to becoming.

Part Three — Prioritized Focus

If you find Vision and Values a bit too “soft,” this third part of the framework should appeal to the left side of your brain. Prioritizing focus is the science of what you hope to become. To the degree it is possible to identify (or create) a hierarchy that accelerates the journey at any turn, this should be agreed upon as foundational. And this jumpstarts the development of a plan of action.

Put this framework in place and you have the basis for alignment…something around which every single member of a team can rally. Not to mention, a life expectancy of more than six months for direction. When the unexpected happens, make the necessary tweaks to your plan of action without having to alter the philosophy that drives you.

You Have The Right To Name It

With all of this said, you should call it whatever suits you. Labels only matter when they provide accurate context. If it causes less friction, I would vote to label the entire process “Strategic Planning.” Just resist the temptation to skip over this three-part framework. It may not be your favorite thing to do; but it is the difference between plans that fail and those that actually function as instruments for becoming who and what you want to become.

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To download a complimentary copy of The Business Development Playbook — a look at our six-step framework for business development, click here, and scroll down to the FREE offer.

I work with a limited number of clients, who want to follow a proven framework for growth in order to build a business aligned with their aspirations. If you’d like information, send an email to eric@ericfletcherconsulting.com. We

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I was meeting a colleague for coffee. She wanted to introduce me to a potential new hire.

“You’re going to love this guy. He’s so nice.”

I half-joked, “I’m not too sure being ‘nice’ is an asset in the role we’re trying to fill.”

Sure, it would be…nice…to have an agreeable person filling the position…someone who isn’t confrontational. Someone who wants to get along.

That’s what we tend to mean when we say someone is “nice.”

“But will he be able to have the tough conversations?,” I asked. “To push back? That’s what we need.”

But being nice is not the same as being kind.

With hints of a frown, Sylvia said, “I thought we were trying to get rid of all the jerks.”

Costly Conflation

She was right; we did want to weed out the jerks. You know the type — those prone to verbal assaults. Those who repeatedly displayed a lack of respect for others. The ones who drove others to leave. Those who might even throw a chair.

Nice is a characteristic. A trait. Don’t get me wrong — there are aspects of being nice that are admirable, and I will vote for nice over rude. But I was interested in building something better — a team that practiced intentional kindness.

This is a disciplined decision.

For some of us it requires more practice and discipline than for others. But we can all get there…if we care enough.

Some think being kind means being soft — unable to have uncomfortable conversations…or unwilling to face difficult moments. A pushover.

But intentional kindness is not soft, and is often far from easy.

It signals an uncommon value-set that says whatever the circumstance, nothing is more valuable than a person.

. The decision to let this value proposition define behavior — even in the most difficult interaction — challenges present day norms.

This isn’t about winning through intimidation or watering down tough feedback. And it sure isn’t intended to suggest that being kind means I have to lower priorities or “give in.”

What we are suggesting is this:

  • Without respect to topic or circumstance, every encounter with another person should be driven by an understanding that nothing is more valuable than a human being. No investment produces a greater return than those we make in people.

This may feel radical, I know — some will say naive, or even silly. In a competitive, cut-throat world, turf must be protected. At all costs. There is no room for kindness.

But what if discounting kindness is one of the most costly mistakes we make?

What The Research Shows

In a recent TEDx Talk — How To Succeed Without Being A Jerk — I go as far as suggesting that even the simplest acts of kindness serve to differentiate. They feel so rare, while crass meanness and blatant disrespect feel like the acceptable order of the day.

In their July 2025 article for Harvard Business Review, Nicki Macklin, Thomas H. Lee and Amy C. Edmondson make the case for Why Kindness Is Not A Nice To Have…even in the rough-and-tumble world of the workplace.

For starters, companies that neglect kindness pay a price in terms of:

  • Increased employee turnover
  • Higher levels of absenteeism
  • Erosion of trust
  • Breakdown in team communication
  • Loss of time due to tension and conflict
  • Negative impacts on customer experience

On the other hand, research says companies that emphasize kindness have:

  • Stronger relationships
  • Better collaboration
  • Higher engagement
  • Improved retention

If this isn’t enough to make you rethink things, the authors dispel the idea that kindness is one of the so-called “soft skills.” They suggest that it can be taughtand even measured. It is an intentional act — not just “something we feel.”

And it should be high on any leader’s agenda.

The organizations that aspire to succeed and lead find a way to institutionalize kindness…even as they embrace AI.

An Instant Differentiator

But intentional kindness is more than a discipline. Few things can change the shape and tone of daily interactions more than one person who practices kindness.

So if you lament the erosion of decency…if you’re searching for a way to instigate a positive change wherever you live and work…make the practice of intentional kindness a priority.

It is as simple as treating others the way you’d like to be treated — a value many of us were introduced to while we learned to walk and talk.

As for Mike — the individual Sylvia was high on — turned out he was much better than nice, and he got the job.

A postscript: I am extremely encouraged by the early response to my TEDx Adams Morgan Talk. After hitting YouTube on July 8, it ranked as the 11th most viewed new talk in the world before the end of July. As of this publication more than 95,000 have tuned in. If you’re in this count — THANK YOU! I take this response as an indication that we are hungry for something better than the ruthless attitude that we are exposed to every day.